The thing is, we co-sleep

When I was pregnant I had all these rules that I was planning to implement with Margs. I remember reading through online communities and telling Mer I would never co-sleep, I would never formula feed, I would never feed our baby rice cereal and I’d never use a binky with her.

Well, I failed at every single thing on that list. I failed miserably. I caved and I’m okay with it.

The thing is, as a first time mom I had no idea what to expect. I had no real experience with babies, the sleep deprivation and the reality that sometimes you’ve gotta do what you gotta do to just survive. Yes, sometimes a newborn or small infant means living in survival mode – 3 AM feeding anyone?

The thing with the formula was really hard on me. Like, I cried and sobbed that I was poisoning my little girl by feeding her boxed formula. I almost imported organic baby formula from Germany – that’s how guilty I felt about failing miserably at breast feeding. Margs would have taken to it I’m sure, it was me. I was just so exhausted that I needed Mer to step in and take care of some of the feedings. I couldn’t handle it all by myself and in retrospect I did the right thing for our small family. Having said that, it took months before I could accept that my plan to breast feed just wasn’t going to ever work out – mom guilt is real. So so real.

As for the rice formula and the binky it’s just something I assumed was best for baby because the interwebz told me so. Truth is, my kid loved eating rice cereal and when she got bigger and hungrier but couldn’t really eat it really helped fill her tummy. At one point, we were giving her over 40oz of formula per day and she was still waking up starving. Poor kid needed food but didn’t know how to eat. Rice cereal to the rescue. The thing with the binky – babies like binkies- it helps soothe them. She doesn’t use it often – mostly just when first falling asleep and we’re okay with that.

Now, the co-sleeping. This is something we’re still trying to figure out and deal with. Margs was amazing sleeper until she hit 6 months old which also coincided with us moving from a small apartment to this house which although still small is far bigger in the eyes of Margs I’m sure. It started with her naps. She suddenly needed/wanted to be held – no big deal because while holding her I’d enjoy a little rest and binge watch various shows on netflix. Then, it started to extend to her nighttime routine – we’d rock her to sleep which is something we’d always done but the second we’d put her down in her crib for the night she’d wake right back up and we’d be at square one.

For months we settled in for the night to watch a little t.v and Margs would be held by myself or Mer until it was time to go to bed. For a few weeks we set up her crib as a co-sleeper and that sort of worked until she started rolling over into our bed.

We’ve tried sleeping with her between us but that’s incredibly stressful and dangerous. We then opted to alternate nights sleeping with her when the other slept on the couch. This unfortunately is the only way my baby will sleep – in our bed cuddled up to either me or her father.

We’re not happy about this. We’re scared and anxious about the day she learns to pull herself up. We’ve tried cry it out (she cried for 4 hours straight until she puked all over her crib), we’ve tried getting her into a deep sleep and then transferring her to her crib (she’ll sleep maybe 20 minutes then wake up screaming and proceed to hyperventilate).

So, we bought her a double bed, a mattress and bed rails. Now, we alternate sleeping with her in her room so that at least we all get to sleep in a bed. Sleeping on the couch 50% of the time really isn’t ideal.

Any experienced mamas want to give this newbie some tips?

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11 thoughts on “The thing is, we co-sleep

  1. Robyn Miller November 30, 2016 / 2:47 am

    My daughter, now 12, slept in her room from 6 weeks old on. No problems. When we had our son, we were older and exhausted. He hated being alone. He co-slept for the most part until he was four. Eventually they will want their own bed. You do what’s right for you, but you will eventually want your bed back – for sanity and for marraige sake.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. mommyandmadness December 5, 2016 / 7:13 am

    You just do what works for you. Our daughter struggled to go to sleep, but usually stayed asleep once we’d got her to sleep! We put her in her cot and one of us would have to sit next to her, watch her and hold her hand till she went to sleep! It could take 2 hours or so! And sometimes we’d have to stop bring her back downstairs and try again later! She’s 2.5 now, and one of us still has to cuddle up to her in her bed whilst she falls asleep – it happens a lot quicker now! We probably would have ended up doing what you do, but our sofa isn’t big enough to sleep on! You will get your bed back sometime, don’t worry, she won’t want to sleep in it forever!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jenny Mayas December 5, 2016 / 11:34 am

      Eh, they’re only little once right? I know our situation isn’t ideal but it works for us and we’re okay with that.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Pinkspen December 8, 2016 / 9:54 am

    I am dealing with a similar concern with my 13 month old. We co-slept since she was about 4-5 months old, because it was easier as a breastfeeding mother. My boyfriend/her father, would sleep on the couch…I miss him. lol. I am not exclusively breastfeeding, I also give my daugther formula, and it was heartbreaking, but every drop counts, so do not feel bad. But, of course she got use to that and mama wants her bed back, so I started gradually putting her in her crib. She screamed for hours as well, and that slowly became shorter and shorter. My advice is, you have to let them cry it out. Its the only way…make sure they are fed & changed so you know its not that…they just want the comfort.
    Great post! I and so many other mothers can definitely relate to this! You are an awesome mother!

    Like

    • Jenny December 8, 2016 / 10:03 am

      We do what we can right?

      At this point my husband and I both sleep in a bed. We’ve bought her a double bed and one of us sleeps in her room with here. At least we’re not sleeping on the couch anymore.

      We’re hoping to try sleeping training her again really soon because this set up isn’t the best for maintaining a healthy relationship. I miss my husband too. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Pinkspen December 8, 2016 / 10:36 am

        lol….sleeping arrangements can be so difficult in those first years. My daughter has started sleeping through the nights, the majority of the time, but she still has bad nights where shes up multiple times.

        Like

      • Jenny December 8, 2016 / 10:53 am

        We’re pretty much dealing with the same thing. She sleeps through the night 90% of the time.

        They are only little once ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      • Pinkspen December 8, 2016 / 1:59 pm

        indeed…its rough…last evening, I was up until 3am on and off until she eventually slept until 8am…..its rough but we will get through it

        Like

  4. tehniat.a February 8, 2017 / 5:27 am

    The thing is, wr co-sleep as well 😉 or rather used to, when the kids were small. I’ve three kids with a gap of hardly 2 years among them. It was really tough for me to make them sleep in a separate room, as otherwise i would be making countless trips to their bedroom at night. So, the eldest one had his own floor bedding, the middle one used to sleep in her cot and the smallest one used to sleep with me and my husband. And, to be honest, I loved it!

    Like

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